{"id":38,"date":"2010-11-30T12:30:19","date_gmt":"2010-11-30T16:30:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.writtenGESStures.com\/?p=38"},"modified":"2012-04-20T00:11:21","modified_gmt":"2012-04-20T04:11:21","slug":"roses-lotion-tabasco-yogurt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.writtenGESStures.com\/?p=38","title":{"rendered":"Roses Lotion Tabasco Yogurt"},"content":{"rendered":"

roses\u00a0\u00a0 euphemism\u00a0\u00a0 engaging \u00a0 firecracker<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

dogleg \u00a0 ruination \u00a0 gaggle\u00a0\u00a0 Tabasco<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Theme: romance<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cRoses<\/strong>, lotion, Tabasco<\/strong>, yogurt,\u201d Mason mumbled as he stepped between the automatic sliding doors. With a smile, he recalled the Sesame Street skit when Ernie repeated his short shopping list over and over and still forgot everything when he got to Mr. Roper\u2019s store. That Ernie<\/em>, Mason thought. He grabbed a basket and looked about the store. \u201cShit. I don\u2019t know where any of these things are.\u201d He shrugged and started meandering through the aisles. \u201cOh, well. Roses, lotion, Tabasco, yogurt,\u201d he repeated for the umpteenth time and started forward. <\/span><\/p>\n

After 30 minutes and a dogleg<\/strong> circuit through the store, Mason exited with a dozen red roses, a bottle of rose scented lotion, two flavors of Tabasco, a tub of vanilla yogurt, and a huge smirk of satisfaction on his face. He was stopped dead in the middle of a gaggle<\/strong> of slow-moving old ladies on their weekly shopping trip getting out of a nursing home van. He maneuvered amongst and around them respectfully. Then rushed back home.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Mason trotted to the small apartment he shared with Sherie. He shoved the yogurt, Tabasco, and lotion into the fridge. Then he set about mercilessly plucking petals from the roses and scattering them around the apartment. He flung the majority of them on the bed.<\/span><\/p>\n

When the grandfather clock Sherie had inherited chimed 7 pm., he raced out of the apartment to pick up Sherie from work. He appreciated once again that she worked at a restaurant, where she could grab dinner whenever she felt like it. It saved them loads on groceries. And on this night, he wouldn\u2019t have to contend with the delay of feeding her before getting it on.<\/span><\/p>\n

When Sherie slipped onto the passenger seat, Mason leaned over and planted a slopping wet, open-mouth, tongue-filled kiss on her.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhoa! What\u2019s that about?\u201d she asked in alarm. <\/span><\/p>\n

Crap<\/em>, Mason worried. That<\/em> was too much. Okay, I gotta act normal. And then after a while <\/em>engage<\/strong><\/em> her in a whole <\/em>other way. <\/em>\u201cHow was work? Not too busy today?\u201d Mason asked hopefully.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNot bad,\u201d Sherie said with a shrug. \u201cYou know. Wednesdays are usually our slowest day. How was your day?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGood. I\u2019ve been thinking about you. I can\u2019t wait to get you home.\u201d He glanced at her and smiled lasciviously.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sherie shuddered and smiled back hesitantly. Her discomfort increased when she entered the apartment and saw the withering flower petals all over. \u201cWhat a mess. What\u2019d you do this for?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cRelax,\u201d Mason said, and then carried on valiantly. \u201cI\u2019ll clean it up when we\u2019re done.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhen we\u2019re done with what?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJust go wait for me in the bedroom so we can get it on.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGet it on<\/em>? Have you lost your mind? You know how much I hate euphemisms<\/strong>. Saying shit like that is not going to get me in the mood.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJust go in there and relax,\u201d he instructed. He strolled into the kitchen, grabbed the lotion, Tabasco, and yogurt from the fridge, and headed into the bedroom whistling.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sherie was waiting at the foot of the bed, standing with her arms crossed and a doubtful expression on her face.<\/span><\/p>\n

Mason soldiered on. \u201cLet\u2019s start with a relaxing massage, shall we?\u201d He unbuttoned and removed Sherie’s blouse and bra, forced himself to not grab her breasts, and sat her down at the edge of the bed. He set the lotion nearby and pumped it a few times. Nothing came out. He tried again. Nothing. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are you doing back there?\u201d she queried.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cUh, the lotion won\u2019t come out of the bottle.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLet me see that,\u201d she turned around and yanked the bottle out of his hands. \u201cWhy is this so cold?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cUh, I shoved it in the fridge with the other stuff.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThe other stuff?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNever mind. Let\u2019s move on.\u201d He gathered up a few petals and began to caress Sherie\u2019s skin with them. He brushed them behind her ears, along her jaw, under her nose.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sherie twitched her ears, scratched her chin, and sneezed. \u201cUh, Mae, that\u2019s kind of annoying.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell, that\u2019s not what we\u2019re going for, is it?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIndeed not.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Mason went on to the last trick in his repertoire. He planted several long, deep kisses on Sherie. Meanwhile, he twisted off the cap of a Tabasco bottle; he didn\u2019t see which. During a very brief pause in the kissing, he sprinkled several drops of the red liquid on his tongue and turned back to Sherie. As his mouth heated, he drew nearer and nearer to his goal. But his mouth filled with saliva, and his eyes began to water. He had barely touched Sherie\u2019s lips when he aborted his mission. With surprising speed, he pried the lid and safety seal off the yogurt, delved his fingers into the cool slop, and plopped mounds of it onto his burning tongue.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sherie said nothing. But she spent the minutes of Mason’s agony laughing uproariously.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat a disaster!\u201d Mason exclaimed a few minutes later. \u201cHow did my perfect plan come to this ruination<\/strong>?\u201d he asked with genuine ignorance.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat is your goal here, Mase?\u201d Sherie asked between chuckles, wiping away tears of laughter.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI wanted you to see stars, explode like firecrackers<\/strong>, giggle uncontrollably,\u201d he said solemnly.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd you thought Tabasco<\/em> was gonna do it? Interesting.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Mason pouted sheepishly.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell,\u201d Sherie conceded, \u201cI did have a good laugh.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

roses\u00a0\u00a0 euphemism\u00a0\u00a0 engaging \u00a0 firecracker dogleg \u00a0 ruination \u00a0 gaggle\u00a0\u00a0 Tabasco Theme: romance \u201cRoses, lotion, Tabasco, yogurt,\u201d Mason mumbled as he stepped between the automatic sliding doors. With a smile, he recalled the Sesame Street skit when Ernie repeated his short shopping list over and over and still forgot everything when he got to Mr….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[14,50,49,51,46,48,47],"class_list":["post-38","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-60-minute-stories","tag-60-minute","tag-dogleg","tag-euphemism","tag-gaggle","tag-roses","tag-ruination","tag-tabasco"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.writtenGESStures.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.writtenGESStures.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.writtenGESStures.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.writtenGESStures.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.writtenGESStures.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=38"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"http:\/\/www.writtenGESStures.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":40,"href":"http:\/\/www.writtenGESStures.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38\/revisions\/40"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.writtenGESStures.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=38"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.writtenGESStures.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=38"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.writtenGESStures.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=38"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}