{"id":14,"date":"2010-10-20T22:16:55","date_gmt":"2010-10-21T02:16:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.writtenGESStures.com\/?p=14"},"modified":"2012-04-19T23:55:11","modified_gmt":"2012-04-20T03:55:11","slug":"bananas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.writtenGESStures.com\/?p=14","title":{"rendered":"Bananas"},"content":{"rendered":"

reconstitute swim blood sample banana<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

wimple g-string cricket hamster<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI hate bananas<\/strong>,\u201d Elsa said rather vehemently. And she meant it, too.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat’s rather a strong statement, don’t you think?\u201d Sue Ellen asked with genuine surprise. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt’s the truth is all.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cElsa, what’s your favorite fruit?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPeaches.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWould you say you love <\/em>peaches?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, of course not. That’s ridiculous, Sue Ellen. I love <\/em> my kids. I love <\/em>Alan. <\/em>I even love you<\/em>. I don’t love peaches. They’re just my favorite fruit.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell, hate <\/em>is the opposite of love<\/em>,\u201d Sue Ellen explained. \u201cIf you don’t love<\/em> peaches, you can’t hate <\/em>bananas.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSays you. I know what I feel, Sue Ellen.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, you say you love your kids and Alan. Who do you hate?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI’ll tell you who I hate. Barney Miller!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>\u201cBarney Miller? The detective on that old TV show? He wasn’t even real.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHe was to my dad. When that show was on, you couldn’t make a peep in our house. Dad would be glued to the TV like it was life support. He thought those guys were the funniest people ever. And that was without having a beer after dinner.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, you hate<\/em> the fictional character Barney Miller. What about someone in the real world.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat damn Sister Mary Katherine. Remember her?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJesus, Mary, and Joseph! Elsa, watch your mouth! Anyway, our calculus teacher in eleventh grade? I haven’t thought about her in years; no, decades. Why do you hate her?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh, come on!\u201d Elsa defended herself. \u201cShe was the biggest bitch. She was always reporting us to Mother Superior for every stupid little thing. I swear she had it in for all us girls with pretty hair. To her, my long ringlets were like a red flag to a bull. She was always having Mother Superior send my parents notes about how a meek and pious child should wear her hair. `Elsa’s hair is getting too long.’ And, `The meek don’t call attention to themselves with pretty ribbons.’ She <\/em>didn’t have any trouble being meek. I bet she was as bald as Kojak under that wimple<\/strong>. Child of God my ass; she was the daughter of the Devil. I always wanted to take a blood sample <\/strong>to prove it.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI think she was a little jealous of us,\u201d Sue Ellen said with sympathy. \u201cShe was only a few years older than us, remember? And even under that habit, you could tell <\/em>she was well endowed. And they made her the swimming <\/strong>teacher that year. Remember that? All the boys kept trying to spy on our swim lessons. It wasn’t us <\/em>they were trying to see.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDo I remember that!?\u201d Elsa added. \u201cMy brother’s friend Saul used to draw pictures of the nuns. He always <\/em>drew Sister MK with Pamela Anderson breasts and a tiny pink g-string<\/strong>. I just knew that boy was going to Hell. For a while there, I actually prayed Robby wouldn’t be sent with him. I mean, I couldn’t stand the witch, but I didn’t go misrepresenting her bride-of-God figure nearly naked.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

After a momentary pause, Elsa retracted a little. \u201cBut she wasn’t all bad though. She could have made us all do penance when Timmy hid that cricket<\/strong> <\/em>in the classroom.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd she didn’t punish Jimmy Doogan when he let Billy the Hamster <\/strong>out of the cage,\u201d Sue Ellen added. \u201cAnd it got stuck in the AC duct and died.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The two women paused in their reminiscences and sighed.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell,\u201d Sue Ellen spoke first. \u201cThat was some fun reminiscing, but I gotta go. I guess you don’t want this cereal then. Carly doesn’t like it because…\u201d She trailed off.<\/span><\/p>\n

Elsa raised an eyebrow in question.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, here is the thing,\u201d Sue Ellen continued. \u201cWhen you pour in the milk, it reconstitutes<\/strong> the bananas.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cI hate bananas,\u201d Elsa said rather vehemently. And she meant it, too.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat’s rather a strong statement, don’t you think?\u201d Sue Ellen asked with genuine surprise.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt’s the truth is all.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[14,11,15,12,13,16],"class_list":["post-14","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-60-minute-stories","tag-60-minute","tag-bananas","tag-barney-miller","tag-hate","tag-love","tag-wimple"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.writtenGESStures.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.writtenGESStures.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.writtenGESStures.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.writtenGESStures.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.writtenGESStures.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=14"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/www.writtenGESStures.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":197,"href":"http:\/\/www.writtenGESStures.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14\/revisions\/197"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.writtenGESStures.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=14"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.writtenGESStures.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=14"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.writtenGESStures.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=14"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}